My lonely planet
I have been working home based for a year now. There are pros and cons working at home. No office attire, I can wear whatever I want to wear,I don’t need to put on make up, I don’t need to worry about the heavy traffic and being late at work, I can work while eating or watching movies, my salary has no tax deductions etc… but the thing is I don’t have any social life anymore… I am stuck here in my room looking at the same walls everyday. I miss seeing different faces. I’m like working in my own prison cell. I miss eating and drinking with co-workers. I miss the real world. I sometimes feel that I don’t exist anymore. I can only feel my existence when I am online. When the electricity is gone, I feel that I am dead. I don’t even know who am I in the real world. I only know that my name is real and I have my family but other than that… I don’t know who I am. I feel that I built my identity more in this cyberspace. I can express more in this world…in this cyberworld I can be what I always wanted to be. I can show everyone what I can do. I can sing, play guitar, I can host a podcast just like what I always wanted to do when I was young… to be a radio talk show host. Wow! Internet is the place where I belong coz in real life I am just an ordinary just like everyone else… I feel safer in this place, I can do all the things that I can’t do in real life. But when sadness strikes I feel like stepping outside of this internet bubble and say hello to the real world. I just want to feel that I still exist in the real world… pinch me.. am I still alive?
Dear Little Renjie,
You know you’re such a cute dog.You’re always there to entertain me, to make me smile when I feel down, and you were there when I was crying and no one to talk to. I know you couldn’t understand my human language but I know you can feel my emotions. I know you’re always there outside my bedroom door waiting for me to go outside. You always make me feel loved and important. Thank you my little doggie. I just don’t like it when you poop and pee inside the house. You never used to do that! I also hate to smell you smelling like sh*t…you probably got that smell from your beloved alley dog friend, Volta. I told you never hang out with her coz she smells bad! But it’s okay… I am happy coz I know you’re enjoying her company… just don’t steal her food. Okay? I feel bad to see those ticks and fleas all over you. I don’t know where you got them. I am sorry I can no longer have you sleep in my room because I don’t want to be infested with your ticks and fleas but I am doing my best to get rid of them. I’m always here for you little Renjie. I might have spanked you because of your stupidity and your stubbornness but you will always be my cute little dog.
Your pet owner,
Edel
Asleep
The night stole you from me but I fell in love with you while you are asleep
Sleep tight my love I’ve been watching you sleep
When I hear you breathe, when I see you move It makes me feel that I am just lying right next to you…
When you speak those three words in the middle of the night..I’d smile and feel those words
My heart beats so fast and it is pounding really really fast I can feel my heart screaming telling me how much love I have for you…
I love you so much I’d love to stay awake and watch you sleep I sometimes want to wake you up because I am missing you already
Sleep tight my love… I will always be here beside you
It’s been a long year
Since you’ve been gone
I’ve been alone here
I’ve grown old
I fall to pieces, I’m falling
Fell to pieces and I’m still falling
Every time I’m falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
I keep a journal of memories
I’m feeling lonely, I can’t breathe
I fall to pieces, I’m falling
Fell to pieces and I’m still falling
All the years I’ve tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I’m waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you
We’re falling down
I’m falling
Wow! This illustrates life. It’s more than what we know. It’s amazing how Science correlates with Religion. There’s more to learn… and it’s fun to learn about life.
Tori Amos - Crucify
Every finger in the room
Is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now
I’ve been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I’ve been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Got a kick for a dog
Beggin’ for Love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You’re just an empty cage girl
If you kill the bird
I’ve been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I’ve been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Please be
Save me
I cry
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains
